Goodness gracious. My life is just one big mistake. I was so excited about Christmas and now that it's here, all I do is regret. My theme song for the week comes from gLee. "Merry Christmas Darling."
Favorite lines.
"Merry Christmas darling We're apart that's true But I can dream and in my dreams I'm Christmas-ing with you"
"I've just one wish On this Christmas Eve I wish I were with you"
I would give anything to go back in time. Which is crazy. I was insanely unhappy then. But I think I'm more unhappy now than then. I miss that guy. More now that it's almost Christmas than the past 8 months.
And I've realized I have a problem. The reason I pretty much have no friends is because I'm freaked out my commitment. Every time I start getting close to people I push them away. Anddd I'm queen of negative relationships. It seems the relationships that are gonna kick my butt are the ones I fight like hell to keep. Stop it Gert.
Anddd me and Jesus aren't very tight anymore. Which is very discouraging. I have all this passion pent up inside me and no idea how to get it out. I want to sing soooo badly, but it hurts. It hurts more than I can explain. Worship and mission work are my thing, I'm pretty sure, and I can't do either because I just want to break down and cry every time I try. I don't understand. No one else has issues like these. I tried praying about it and giving it to God, and when it didn't happen, I just gave up. I don't know what to do. I have no one to talk to really. No one who really understands. Sigh. I don't know. I just don't know.
I think I just need out of this stinking town. Away from the same ol' people. I wish I was brave enough to leave....
PS. Loveeee this. And not just because Richard Gilmore was a Whiffenpoof, but because it's so weird and freaking awesome!! I love the "I can be urple, I can be purple, I can be anything you like" part. So fun. Too bad they got voted off.
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