New Year Rambles

It snowed. Here. A lot. We never have snow. I love it. Not only is it beautiful, but class is canceled! It's wonderful. I've been spending lots of time with my mom, which never happens. We've been playing games like  Phase 10 and 

It has been sooooo much fun. It would be more fun with lots of people, but it's still fun though. 

My puppy HATES it. She doesn't like the cold. I've had to force her outside. She's also a diva. =)

I started reading The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes 

Sunday and I think my New Years resolution will be to read all the classics I was supposed to read before college started that I never did. It's a little late to get a resolution, but yano....better late than never. 

I'm going to Utah in March to visit my betsie!!!!! I am beyond excited about it. I miss her sooo much. And I'm pretty stoked about visiting Utah as well. I've never been there. And I LOVE visiting new places. Spring break come FAST!

These are my confessions..For now

Goodness gracious. My life is just one big mistake. I was so excited about Christmas and now that it's here, all I do is regret. My theme song for the week comes from gLee. "Merry Christmas Darling."

Favorite lines.

"Merry Christmas darling We're apart that's true But I can dream and in my dreams I'm Christmas-ing with you"

"I've just one wish On this Christmas Eve I wish I were with you"

I would give anything to go back in time. Which is crazy. I was insanely unhappy then. But I think I'm more unhappy now than then. I miss that guy. More now that it's almost Christmas than the past 8 months.

And I've realized I have a problem. The reason I pretty much have no friends is because I'm freaked out my commitment. Every time I start getting close to people I push them away. Anddd I'm queen of negative relationships. It seems the relationships that are gonna kick my butt are the ones I fight like hell to keep. Stop it Gert.

Anddd me and Jesus aren't very tight anymore. Which is very discouraging. I have all this passion pent up inside me and no idea how to get it out. I want to sing soooo badly, but it hurts. It hurts more than I can explain. Worship and mission work are my thing, I'm pretty sure, and I can't do either because I just want to break down and cry every time I try. I don't understand. No one else has issues like these. I tried praying about it and giving it to God, and when it didn't happen, I just gave up. I don't know what to do. I have no one to talk to really. No one who really understands. Sigh. I don't know. I just don't know.

I think I just need out of this stinking town. Away from the same ol' people. I wish I was brave enough to leave....

PS. Loveeee this. And not just because Richard Gilmore was a Whiffenpoof, but because it's so weird and freaking awesome!! I love the "I can be urple, I can be purple, I can be anything you like" part. So fun. Too bad they got voted off.

1 Tree, 2 Tree, White Tree, Green Tree

The past couple of weeks have been...strange for me. Some days I've been ecstatically happy and then overwhelmingly depressed. Sometimes all in one day. Bi-polar rearing its head again. Haha

Last night I went on my pretty much my first real date since I've been single. I didn't even realize it was a date. And I felt...wrong the whole time. I kept comparing him to that guy in everything. Right down to the way he held my hand. That guy always knew I didn't like my hand being on top and suffered through the discomfort of his arm being longer than mine so that I'd be happy. Last night guy just gave up and put his hand on my leg. Very possessive and pushy btw so there won't be another date planned or otherwise. But the point of this disclosure is to question why I compare everything, especially things I complained about with that guy.

Ugh. Enough of that. I've gotten TONS of cute stuff!

This is my cute Christmas tree!

This is a fab Christmas tree I found at Big Lots for $10

This is another tree I found at Big Lots for $10. My favorite.

My mom found this underneath her cabinet. It was my grandmothers. Its superrrrrr cool. It's got one broken spot, but I'm in love with it!

Peace, Florence

Ma and I stopped at a gas station the other day and I saw these drinks with a peace sign on them. Of course I had to check it out. We bought two =) I'm in love. The best so far is Imported Ceylon Tea. They taste amazingggg, are all natural, and have the coolest designs on the front. I've had one every day since. And the best part? They're only 99cents!! for a HUGE can.

Also... Florence and the Machine. HATED her at the MTV Movie Awards. Heard Dog Days in a preview for next weeks gLee so I decided to give her another chance. She's so cool. She's beautiful and has an amazingggg voice!! She's quirky and hippie-ish. Different in a Lady Gaga way without being crazy. I want to be her.

In other news.... I have no idea what's going on in this head of mine. I've been visiting my brother in rehab(oh btw. My brother's in rehab) and I have to say it's stressing me out. I don't really know how to handle it. It's a nice reputable place and the guys in there are super nice(but obviously they need help or they wouldn't be there) Idk. Idk what I'm trying to say. It's just hard and I have no one to talk to about it. My family sucks at communication. The only one I really talk to is my nephew and he hates my brother for almost killing him and himself.(oh btw, my brother almost killed my nephew and himself) So he won't talk about him.

Sigh. At least I have Netflixs to distract me. =)

One for the Money

Just finished One For the Money by Janet Evanovich. LOVEDDDD it! It was funny and interesting. It was an action that was girly. I couldn't put it down once I got into it. AND When I was looking for a picture of the book for my blog I found this lovely piece of information -->

http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/movies/2010/02/09/2010-02-09_katherine_heigl_to_play_stephanie_plum_in_one_for_the_money_janet_evanovich_best.html

What a great choice! I LOVE Katherine Heigl. I'm so glad they're making this into a movie. It's gonna be GREAT.

Ahem. Betsie must wait to watch it until we can watch it together.

Current obsessions....

Currently I'm in love with a tonnnn of random stuff! Here's a few of them.

1. All I Do is Win by DJ Khaled

2. SJP NYC

3. Learning to cook

4. Andddd Classic 40's and 50's starlets. Specifically Vera-Ellen.

Contentment from the Mountain..

I've been strangely happy lately. Well maybe not happy but content. And I think content is a fabulous thing to be. Yesterday I went with my mom to visit my brother in rehab. I was terrified honestly. I had nooo idea what to expect. It was a super nice place. There were actually normal people there. I didn't know normal people went to places like rehab. The set up was nice and he's gained weight and seems so much happier and normal. I actually had a conversation with him and he was present. It was refreshing.

I also went to my cousin's house warming yesterday. His house and land are gorgeoussssss. I'm insanely jealous. I'm happy for him though. Apparently I'm old enough now that the fam doesn't ignore me anymore. I got to be involved in conversations. I had one aunt who actually talked to me for over an hour. Pretty exciting stuff. Haha

Today, in between classes, I decided to drive around. I tried finding Jacksonville Mountain the other day when I was riding around

An old house and grist mill in Jacksonville.

I'm kind of in love with them. =)

and couldn't, but I found it today! It was so pretty! I was soooo happy up on the mountain overlooking the gorgeoussss view of Jacksonville. It hit me hard that I could be that happy all alone. It made me hopeful that eventually I'll be ok again. And I can survive on my on. I miss the always having someone, but the alone time isn't so bad. Not that I want to be alone forever but I can handle alone in the short term.

Beautiful views from the mountain